We went to the doctor today for my 36 week check-up and my first exam in awhile. Dr. Barron said I was 40% effaced and Judah is still measuring pretty close to normal.
As I was driving to work after the appointment, my mind was racing. I still just cannot believe I am here. Not here at my desk at work but in the home stretch of this pregnancy. I wonder if it will really hit me when I see him for the first time - if that is when it will all actually feel real. I don't know if I am being this way just because we thought we might not ever get pregnant. All the meetings with doctors, fertility tests, blood draws, the bad news about the blocked and damaged tubes, constant peeing in cups, ovulation kits, the negative pregnancy tests, the struggle with the truth that getting pregnant might not be in God's plan for us, the 12 pregnancy announcements at life group by couples that we love dearly as I sat there and tried not to bust out crying - that hurt is a part of me and just didn't magically go away when we found out we were pregnant. Another couple in our life group announced last night that they were pregnant and for a second that feeling of hurt and disappointment showed up and I thought, "Wait a minute, idiot, you are nine months pregnant!" Get a grip, Shea.
I am still trying to process this whole sequence of events and grappling with what it all means. How does all we have gone through affect us now? I know that I have been changed by this whole experience but I am not sure how. And on top of all this is the fact that I am euphoric over the fact that, God willing, it won't be much longer till I see my son. He will be here in the flesh. My head is spinning!
I apologize now for the nonsensicalness of this post and for the fact that you now know how crazy a place my head is. Hopefully in the next couple of days I will post more pics from baby showers and of JM's most recent race.
The last shower I had was just for my life group. It was so much fun! Who knew that my mom would be the entertainment without even being asked? And that the icing on the cake of this fabulous time would be the rendition of "Baby Got Back" by Catherine, Anita, and Amy! The shower just wouldn't have been the same without it. (Please note that I do have on a different outfit!)
Some of my closest friends gave me a shower back in early November at the fab pad of Melany Guzzo. It was a great mix of people - JM's family from Silverhill and friends from Schaeffer, friends from church, etc. My friend Beth even came all the way from Atlanta. I wanted to get a pic of all the hostesses together but my camera battery died so Carla is missing in these photos. Judah got tons of stuff (that I still haven't put away, but oh well!).
